Community Corner
Caregivers of Dementia Patients Tend to Forget About Own Needs
Dealing with Dad's dementia: Caregivers get into robot mode; I'm guilty of that myself.
When a family hears that a loved one is losing his memory and it is forming into dementia, a different chapter seems to open and unravel. This chapter really has not been touched upon much as the disease itself is still fairly under researched and is becoming more and more common today.
I do not mean to belittle the disease itself and those suffering from it. But, a little time needs to be taken out to recognize that this is one disease in particular that changes the lives of everyone around the patient.
It is literally a different life.
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Papa no longer shows me how to swing the golf club. Instead, I try to trigger his memory as to which golf club he would use and when. The family no longer goes out and has Papa meet us somewhere nor so we ask him to take a passenger along in his car. Instead, we eat around his schedule; his medication schedule, his health status, his alertness level.
I'm not complaining, I'm explaining. This past weekend, a friend reminded me that caregivers tend to fall into robot mode, putting their feelings, priorities and likes aside.
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This is very true. I think many of us, myself included, tend to forget this. My family is so worried about whether my papa is having a good quality of life, that other things tend to slide. We worry about whether he is sleeping too much, or not enough, or if he is getting enough exercise or on the right meds.
But, sometimes our robot mode of making sure everything is taken care of, and going about the business of taking care of others, needs to be halted. It is OK to cry or to whine. It is OK to feel. It is OK to take time out to get a pedicure. It is OK to do things for yourself, too.
If you, or someone you know, cares for a loved one with dementia, remember to do things for yourself and let yourself feel what is going on. Yes, the goal is to take care of the other person, but you cannot do so without a healthy and happy caretaker.
RESOURCES
It is often encouraged for both patients and family members/caregivers to join a support group.
offers a support group every second Tuesday from 3 p.m. to 4:30 p.m.
There are support groups offered nearby in Mountain View, San Jose, or even telephone support groups. For support in your area, check out http://www.alz.org/norcal/in_my_community_support.asp
