This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author's own.

Health & Fitness

Married to the Coach

Is your husband a coach? Here's how to tell...

My husband has coached soccer, volleyball, and softball for young kids and, most recently, at Lawson Middle School in Cupertino. He's really quite good at it, but I have noticed he exhibits certain behaviors that my friends' husbands just don't seem to have. I'm not saying these behaviors are good or bad. I'm just saying these behaviors are:

How You Can Tell Your Husband is a Coach

The top 10 indicators are:

10. When your family goes for a summer evening walk together, it's just you, your husband, the kids, and a family of soccer balls, one required per person.

9. He doesn't understand what the big deal is in the Tom Hanks movie Cast Away when Tom Hanks befriends a volleyball.

8. He wears shorts all weekend, regardless of the temperature.

7. You've lost the battle about having balls all over the living room, although you did manage to keep them out of the kitchen by walking around with the carving knife.

6. When he can't sleep, he plays recordings he made of English Premier League soccer games, turns off the picture, and just listens to the sound with his eyes closed.

5. Your 12-year-old daughter won a World Cup Soccer bracket pool, beating her second-place dad by picking Germany instead of Italy, and he is still mad.

4. He moved the Venetian blown glass vase from the coffee table to a closet, replacing it with the softball from the Cupertino Girls Softball League 10U championship, autographed by all the girls. ("Sign your name and your number," directed the coach. One girl put her name and phone number. A coach really needs to be crystal clear in his instructions.) 

3. His idea of dressed up is wearing the AYSO T-shirt that has the embroidered logo rather than the printed logo.

2. When he asks his daughter to pass the bread at dinner, she throws a fast pitch and then explains why it was high and outside.

1. After dinner, he puts everybody's hands together and makes them shout "Two-four-six-eight, who made that dinner really great? Mom! Mom! Mom!"

Of course, being married to the coach impacts your behavior, too. Which leads to: 

The top 5 indicators that you are the coach's wife

5. You can score a fielder's choice, a 6-3 double play, or an infield fly rule, while discussing whether the pitcher balked.

4. You've created three files to hold all the gift cards. One file for Sports Authority, one file for Fry's Electronics, and one for Nordstrom's (well, you know, the team parents always ask the coach's wife where to get the gift card from.)

3. Every time someone leaves their towel on the floor, you track them down and say, "Give me 10, NOW."

2. You completely understand the offsides rule (and get it right when the f&*!$n referee doesn't.)

1. You never have to drive the kids to games, bring snacks, or plan the team party, because you are the coach's wife.

We’ve removed the ability to reply as we work to make improvements. Learn more here

The views expressed in this post are the author's own. Want to post on Patch?